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Zer Netmouse
May 19th, 2008
08:18 pm

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Thanks to jer_, today's Talk Hard! is on a topic I would not have thought of on my own: Cologne and Perfume Should Not Be Applied To Your Holiest of Holies.

This was also post number 42.

:)

So this inspires me to ask a question: What advice have you ever been given about sex and sexuality, about clothing or making friends or having sex or being sexy, turned out to be totally wrong? What rumors have you heard among young people that you can't believe they pass on? What were the similar rumors when you were a teen?

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From:jojomojo
Date:May 20th, 2008 01:10 am (UTC)
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*snorfl*
I'll admit I've been known to shampoo and condition down there if I was feeling particularly silly. Not perfume, though :)
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From:karinny
Date:May 20th, 2008 02:38 am (UTC)
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clean and soft is always good!
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From:novapsyche
Date:May 20th, 2008 04:23 am (UTC)
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Also with the conditioning!

(It matters not if I'm silly--I'm silly most of the time.)
From:tlatoani
Date:May 20th, 2008 01:48 am (UTC)
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Ohmigod. Still laughing.
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From:cos
Date:May 20th, 2008 02:05 am (UTC)
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I have heard that a shaved pussy is sexier. I probably heard that when I was a teen, all the way 'til the present. I don't know if I ever believed it, but certainly not since I started having sex.
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From:theferrett
Date:May 20th, 2008 02:19 am (UTC)
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Taking someone's virginity was easy. Man, it was not for me, on the only occasionl that I tried it.
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From:netmouse
Date:May 20th, 2008 02:43 am (UTC)
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Hmm. That looks like good fodder for a post. Can you give me more details (either here or in email) about why it was hard? Similarly I have a friend who was someone's first and he tried really hard but it still wasn't that much fun for her and he felt bad and responsible and I sometimes think it just generally boils down to it's not likely to be completely fun the first time.

Cory's description in Little Brother was actually pretty to the point, I thought:

I'd thought about what it would be like for years. A hundred times a day I'd imagined it. Some days, I'd thought of practically nothing else.
It was nothing like I expected. Parts of it were better. Parts of it were lots worse. While it was going on, it felt like an eternity. Afterward, it seemed to be over in the blink of an eye.
Afterward, I felt the same. But I also felt different. Something had changed between us.
It was weird. We were both shy as we put our clothes on and puttered around the room, looking away, not meeting each other's eyes. I wrapped the condom in a kleenex from a box beside the bed and took it into the bathroom and wound it with toilet paper and stuck it deep into the trash can.
When I came back in, [she] was sitting up in bed and playing with her Xbox. I sat down carefully beside her and took her hand. She turned to face me and smiled. We were both worn out, trembly.
"Thanks," I said.
She didn't say anything. She turned her face to me she was grinning hugely, but fat tears were rolling down her cheeks.
I hugged her and she grabbed tightly onto me. "You're a good man,[...]" she whispered. "Thank you."
I didn't know what to say, but I squeezed her back. Finally, we parted. She wasn't crying anymore, but she was still smiling.

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From:theferrett
Date:May 20th, 2008 02:42 pm (UTC)
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1) Unlubricated condoms. Nobody had told me.

2) A nervous girl who just wanted it over with, who I was way too in love with.

3) Next to no experience in where to put it.
[User Picture]
From:cos
Date:May 20th, 2008 02:25 am (UTC)

the first time

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Oh oh oh! how could I forget this one: "The first time is special" or "make sure your first time is special" or variations thereof. I really hate that one. No! Each time you have sex is what you & the other person make of it. There's no particular reason why the first time has to be specialer. In general, sex gets better as you keep going, and more special the more times you have it with the same partner, is what I've found. But the "first time is special" myth causes all sorts of badness. Pressure on oneself during that first time, that actually makes it worse for a lot of people than it would otherwise be; hesitance to experiment or try sex even when one is quite ready, thus getting to a first "special" time with less experience and thus making less of it. Yuck all around.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:May 20th, 2008 03:27 am (UTC)
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Was told as a teen myself:

You can't get pregnant if you have sex while having your period.
You can't get pregnant if you do it standing up.

Advice that turned out to be wrong:

The skimpier the outfit, the sexier.
~I believe that if you leave a bit of something to the imagination, it is much sexier than letting "it all hang out".

Sex on the beach (no, not the drink!) is sexy.
~No. It isn't. You get sand stuck in creases you didn't know you had.

Anal sex would hurt.
~Only if your partner is not being very tender, taking his time, and making absolutely certain that you are fully aroused and ready. If done right, it is extremely pleasurable!

[User Picture]
From:kyril
Date:May 22nd, 2008 01:01 pm (UTC)
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Someone famous in the sex industry (not sure if it was Carol Queen or if she was quoting someone else) said, "anal sex doesn't have to hurt any more than toast has to burn".

As for skimpy outfits, having sections be surprisingly bare is quite effective. One girl had on a long-sleeve sweater with a modest neckline but about an inch-wide strip of centimeter-hole open knit across one shoulder and down the arm (though some of that impact may have been the proof of no bra, or at least no shoulder strap). A woman at a con in a barbarian costume, heavily/thickly covered in furs except for the midriff, also had an impact on me.
(Deleted comment)
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From:sageautumn
Date:May 20th, 2008 01:37 pm (UTC)
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Wait, wait... ...are you sure it doesn't make God kill kittens??
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From:netmouse
Date:May 20th, 2008 06:04 pm (UTC)
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You guys rock.

seriously.
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From:mrissa
Date:May 20th, 2008 01:16 pm (UTC)
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"Boys will tell you you're attractive/desirable/sexy so that they can have sex with you."

Umm...what do these words mean? Have we forgotten? I mean, if boys were telling me I was a really good elephant trainer because they hoped to flatter me into bed, that would be something else completely, but I feel that these particular adjectives are being blatantly honest about what is intended.

(And in some cases it still isn't what's intended.)

We had a pastor who tried to tell my confirmation class that it was very hard to get pregnant from a rape because of the position of the womb when a woman was aroused (his theory was that you had to be turned on to make babies), but so many of the girls called bullshit on him in such furious detail that he was cowed and had to shut up.
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From:sueij
Date:May 20th, 2008 04:56 pm (UTC)
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As a Catholic, that's awesome. (Whether or not it was a Catholic church.)
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From:dionysus1999
Date:May 20th, 2008 06:09 pm (UTC)
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If you view pornography, it will ruin you for sex with real people.

I was told by more than one lover that if I want to masturbate that means something is wrong with the relationship.
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From:matt_arnold
Date:May 20th, 2008 10:53 pm (UTC)
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I thought about this a long time. I have a very long and detailed list. But really, given that I never had sex conversations with peers, parents, or any form of one-on-one communication-- and obtained it entirely from sermons and Christian bookstores-- the list would be no more helpful than shooting fish in a barrel.
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From:netmouse
Date:May 21st, 2008 12:32 pm (UTC)
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On the contrary, since I have spent very little time listening to sermons or visiting Christian bookstores, that list sounds like a very good list for me to have. Fill some of the gaps in my "people say this" ignorance. To hear what people of (religious) authority have said is particularly useful, for we can only counter such speech acts by speaking to them. Please, share your list.
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