Have you ever woken up from a dream and asked yourself why, why did your brain have to subject you to such imagery? couldn't you have been spared?
This morning I woke up with a horrible image sending reverberations through my head and on through the morning I kept thinking back on it.
The beginning of the dream was harmless enough. I was getting together with some others to do a long-distance bike ride. We were three of us going to share a bike, taking turns cycling (these things are possible in dreams). As I got in for the first round at the pedals, the bike seemed unusually low to the ground. The person pedalling had to pedal with his knees sticking way out sideways (and as this occurred, as can happen in dreams, my point of view separated from the biker and moved away to watch from a distance. ) the biking grew fun, and faster, and a group of people on other bike-like things joined up. Some people zoomed around the others, almost standing in little speedster-like things that ballanced on two parallel wheels, where they leaned forward to go faster. And as I was getting less asleep some sensible part of me wondered if that was safe, and then there was a speedster, white with blue on the front, skidding along without its rider and the camera pans back to this person sprawled on the ground and some man with a beard ran over and dropped to the ground and pressed the person to his chest, but there was nothing to be done for her and then there's this image, this within-ten-feet image of her, and she's trying to crawl, only her hands are gone, and the clothes on her front are gone, but she hasn't any breasts either the skin is just slack, but worse, she has no legs, the bottom half of her body is all some sort of jellylike consistency but if you look - and then you look away, 'cause it's too awful to look, you can of course see a hint of the intestinal parts that must be there. And a voiceover comes in, as if this was a documentary and as you see the woman longing for the embrace, the comfort, that she once had, only now everyone is staying away from her, you (I) see that the skin on her face and neck is loose in parts, torn away in parts, so that in some places you can see the muscles and the places where you see muscle change as she cranes her neck, cause the remaining skin is loose and worn like an ill-fitting mask on her face and what the voice says is "She seemed to think it was some sort of gender discrimination." and I looked at her and tried to think, if it was a male person, would it be easier to see muscles and not get freaked out by it, would people (I) be more able to face it and not run away, and then I woke up.
And I wished I had not looked so closely, not challenged myself in my dream, for I had only to close my eyes to see it again. I tried to think of an empty glen, or a horse, but the face of the horse started to change into being like her face so I gave up and woke up for a bit and cuddled next to Bill and eventually I fell asleep again but as I lay there I was very aware of how I was a little twisted and exactly how my weight fell against and within my skin.