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Zer Netmouse
November 18th, 2002
11:05 am

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we had a pretty good weekend, with two celebrations of Bill's birthday with Mary (friday and saturday) and a nice friday night dinner with Tammy and Eric. Cafe Felix is a place we should go to again. And we did manage to get into Bowling for Columbine, finally, on Saturday. Interesting movie. I hope to write up my detailed thoughts on it soon. I was lucky Mary came over for dinner Saturday - I had forgotten to give Bill his birthday card Friday, and something she said reminded me of it.

The concom meeting on Saturday was very wearing for me. During it, people seemed very loud and overwhelming, and by the time everyone left I was tremendously depressed. I stood preparing stuff for dinner while Bill mixed dough for gingerbread cookies, and found myself crying because this was supposed to be fun, and instead I was completely down. We took a break and I gave Bill a backrub, and I managed to pull out of the funk for the rest of the day, but Sunday I got a little back into it.

Reading Tammy's journal recently seems to confirm my suspicion that part of the reason I was so depressed is because she is depressed and not happy or up about Confusion and other things right now. She and I have been spending a lot of time together this fall and she's been in a bit of a mentor position to me, as conchair to my assistant conchair, etc. It reminds me of my freshman year at Grinnell, when I became handmaiden to Stephanie Schmidt and really rapidly developed a strong empathic link with her. I didn't realize quite how strong until we stopped at her house on a trip to coronation (SCA) and we were watching a movie - Stephanie was hormonal and emotional and she was taking me along for the ride. During the movie, when she started crying in reaction to it, I realized that I was crying in sympathetic response to her, and not the movie. Hopefully both Tammy and I can find a way to revitalize our interest in the smoffing we're doing together.

being assistant to a burned out conchair and liason for a burned out programming head at the same time was a bad idea, and it's hard not to feel burned out by association. The meeting was also a bummer because programming is the main department where we are behind on Confusion, and I'm part of that department, so it's a bummer, and I am partly responsible.

The SFOHA meeting went slightly better, but again, Bill and I have things we're behind on doing, so we felt a little lame. Still, at least we had reviewed the Bylaws, which most people hadn't, so we were comparatively not too lame. After the meeting we walked up to the pharmacy, and that was nice, but then we were really low energy (Bill is fighting a cold). We watched some of a movie while cooking dinner and it (Titus) wasn't entertaining enough for us to bother finishing it, so we went up to bed and I worked on B's manuscript while Bill read his Preacher book.

In the middle of that, Cory called, having blown up yet another car. I sigh. We sigh. It's hard when you don't know how to best help a friend out of a disaster cycle.

and speaking of that, here am I, not dressed yet and with a sink full of dirty dishes. my own little disaster cycle. Hopefully things go up from here.

(and at least the turkey turned out well on Saturday, so the dishes seem worth it.)

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[User Picture]
From:cannibal
Date:November 18th, 2002 09:31 am (UTC)
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Happy Birthday to Bill! I probably should have realized, I would've liked to wish him good things myself. Of course, he's got you in his life, and he can juggle, so his life is totally wonderful. Tell me, does the juggling mean he's better at other things that demand good coordination... grins...!

Too bad Tammy's being a bit of a bummer, she's a nice girl. If there's stuff I can do to take the load off you, please tell me... like I can add the the new additions to the book discussion website myself. You've really taken on a tremendous amount of stuff, and it's understandable that you're feeling a little overloaded, I'm really happy that you've taken on SFOHA, but you're not president fortunately, David has the primary responsibility, and he is a real adult, at least he gives me that impression, which is a lot more than most people in fandom. I hope I wasn't fighting you guys too much at the meeting, I do feel that we're pulling together on this, and it's a very good thing.
[User Picture]
From:cannibal
Date:November 18th, 2002 09:39 am (UTC)
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Please type "chgrp confusion book.html" the next time you are logged on to the stilyagi html directory on bacon. You have it Owner=netmouse, Group=netmouse, so nobody else can modify it. If you want me (or anyone else for that matter) to maintain anything else you should also make sure they have confusion group write priviledges.
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From:netmouse
Date:November 19th, 2002 10:27 am (UTC)
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ah. paul didn't mention that to me. you should find you can access it now.
[User Picture]
From:cannibal
Date:November 19th, 2002 11:20 am (UTC)
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Okay, great. I forget that everyone doesn't know UNIX admin commands... chgrp of course is change group, chmod is change modes, and chown is change ownership. If you do an ls -l filename you can see the permissions etc, and you can add group write permissions if they aren't there already by typing chmod g+w bookdesc* for instance. I'm set for this month, and hope I can actually help take a little pressure off you.

How are you doing?
[User Picture]
From:netmouse
Date:November 19th, 2002 12:32 pm (UTC)
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thanks. I do generally know UNIX admin commands, it just hadn't occurred to me that my ftp program wouldn't preserve the group membership and privs of the files. If you can pick up doing the book descriptions and stuff, that does help.

How are you doing?

generally I'm okay. swamped as always. Each day I make a list of things to do and try to get through it. Monday was kind of a down day and I spent a lot of time just reading email and such.

I purposefully lost weight in the last two weeks and it looks like I'm going to make my goal of 166 lbs by January. (that's a target weight, not a target weight loss). So that's good. and hey, the sun is out today! always an upper. :)

How are you?
[User Picture]
From:cannibal
Date:November 19th, 2002 02:51 pm (UTC)
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Oh, you know, screwing up dbs, making vendors lives miserable... actually, talked to three vendors, yelled at one enough that they begged me to let them send a couple VPs out here, and told them no, I'm not interested... a pretty good day!

Three of us from the office went to Target at lunchtime to pick up free cokes they had coupons for on fatwallet.com, and I bought some juice, which was my lunch, with popcorn. We have a contest going to see who can lose the most weight by percentage... it's pretty certain that I'm still gonna lose the contest, but's it's fun, we started it yesterday, and today, the guys are like, "yeah, go ahead, have some chocolate! heh heh heh"
[User Picture]
From:tammylc
Date:November 18th, 2002 09:44 am (UTC)
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Sorry about the depression overspill - now that I know about our empathic link I'll be more careful. Saturday and Sunday were bad days for me, but I'm feeling much better today.

I think the way to revitalize our smoffing is to get together and make stuff happen. I know I'll feel much better about ConFusion when I see it starting to come together - if we make that happen together, I think it will lift both of our enthusiasm and spirits. With my previous minions/ assistants, we had much more frequent (and regular) meetings, and it was good for keeping me focused on the convention, and imparting more knowledge and experience to said minions.

Let's get together one night this week and hammer programming into shape - how's Wednesday or Thursday look? I'll cook you dinner...
[User Picture]
From:netmouse
Date:November 19th, 2002 10:27 am (UTC)
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imparting more knowledge to minnions is good. regular meetings are good. it seemed like everyone at the concom meeting was glad we had it, even if there was no formal agenda. People like to know what else is going on and have other people know what they are doing.

you'll cook me dinner? yum. either evening works for me. Maybe jeff can come.

(and remember I also need to get that midfanzine list and check from you- has that shown up yet?)
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