The concom meeting on Saturday was very wearing for me. During it, people seemed very loud and overwhelming, and by the time everyone left I was tremendously depressed. I stood preparing stuff for dinner while Bill mixed dough for gingerbread cookies, and found myself crying because this was supposed to be fun, and instead I was completely down. We took a break and I gave Bill a backrub, and I managed to pull out of the funk for the rest of the day, but Sunday I got a little back into it.
Reading Tammy's journal recently seems to confirm my suspicion that part of the reason I was so depressed is because she is depressed and not happy or up about Confusion and other things right now. She and I have been spending a lot of time together this fall and she's been in a bit of a mentor position to me, as conchair to my assistant conchair, etc. It reminds me of my freshman year at Grinnell, when I became handmaiden to Stephanie Schmidt and really rapidly developed a strong empathic link with her. I didn't realize quite how strong until we stopped at her house on a trip to coronation (SCA) and we were watching a movie - Stephanie was hormonal and emotional and she was taking me along for the ride. During the movie, when she started crying in reaction to it, I realized that I was crying in sympathetic response to her, and not the movie. Hopefully both Tammy and I can find a way to revitalize our interest in the smoffing we're doing together.
being assistant to a burned out conchair and liason for a burned out programming head at the same time was a bad idea, and it's hard not to feel burned out by association. The meeting was also a bummer because programming is the main department where we are behind on Confusion, and I'm part of that department, so it's a bummer, and I am partly responsible.
The SFOHA meeting went slightly better, but again, Bill and I have things we're behind on doing, so we felt a little lame. Still, at least we had reviewed the Bylaws, which most people hadn't, so we were comparatively not too lame. After the meeting we walked up to the pharmacy, and that was nice, but then we were really low energy (Bill is fighting a cold). We watched some of a movie while cooking dinner and it (Titus) wasn't entertaining enough for us to bother finishing it, so we went up to bed and I worked on B's manuscript while Bill read his Preacher book.
In the middle of that, Cory called, having blown up yet another car. I sigh. We sigh. It's hard when you don't know how to best help a friend out of a disaster cycle.
and speaking of that, here am I, not dressed yet and with a sink full of dirty dishes. my own little disaster cycle. Hopefully things go up from here.
(and at least the turkey turned out well on Saturday, so the dishes seem worth it.)